In Tamilnadu, there is a well known person by name, Mr. Jeppier, Chairman of Sathyabama deemed university and some more self financing colleges, always speaks in English. Students of that college have collected & published a book by name "Jappier's Spoken English"
 
... Njoy ...........some of the classic English sentences from the great "Jappier's Spoken English"

# At the ground.

All of you stand in a straight circle
There is no wind in the balloon.
The girl with the mirror please comes her...{Means: girl with specs please come here).

# To a boy, angrily:

I talk, he talk, why you middle middle talk?

# While punishing students:

You, rotate the ground four times...
You, go and understand the tree...
You three of you stand together separately.
Why are you late - say YES or NO .....(?)

# Sir at his best:

Sir had once gone to a film with his wife. By chance, he happened to
see one of our boys at the theatre, though the boy did no t see them.

So the next day at s school... (to that boy) - "Yesterday I saw you WITH MY WIFE at the Cinema Theatre"

# Sir at his best inside the Class room:

Open the doors of the window. Let the atmosphere come in.
Open the doors of the window. Let the Air Force come in.
Cut an apple into two halves - I will take the bigger half.
Shhh...Quiet, boys...the principal JUST PASSED AWAY in the corridor
You, meet me behind the class. (Meaning AFTER the class..)

This one is cool

"Both of u three get out of the class."
Close the doors of the windows please. I have winter in my nose today...
Take Copper Wire of any metal especially of Silver.....
Take 5 cm wire of any length....

Last but not the least some Jeppiar experiences ...

Once Sir had come late to a college function, by the time he reached,
the function had begun, so he went to the dais, and said, sorry I am
late, because on the way my car hit 2 muttons (Meaning goats).

At Sathyabama college day 2002:

"This college strict u the worry no .... U get good marks, I the
happy, tomorrow u get good job, jpr the happy, tomorrow u marry I the enjoy"

At St. Josephs college of engineering fresh years day 2003:
"No ragging this college. Anybody rag we arrest the police "